the day I faked an attiude of gratitude.
It was one of those days. You know, those days where you wake up and eat even though you're not hungry? Where you check emails before you've balanced yourself (body, mind and soul) and then go to your car with the intention of getting coffee and writing all morning and your car battery is dead? So you sit in the now sun in the sweater and leggings you donned while it was still a beautiful foggy morning waiting for the 15 minuet late AAA driver to show up, only to find out you have to get a completely new battery and have to wait another 35 minutes until the new guy shows up to replace it.
I would be lying if I said that in that moment wasn't about .1 seconds away from bursting into tears and getting short with someone who didn't deserve it. But en route to the caffeine high I so desperately wanted at that point, 3 hours after I had originally intended, my spirit snapped inside me.
The reality of my life and lifestyle donned on me; why on earth was I so angsty and negative? "NO!" I yelled out loud in Leo my little silver Nissan Altima. "ABSOLUTELY NOT." It was Monday morning and the only thing on my agenda aside from some emails (which are all linked to things I absolutely love doing) was to go to my favorite cafe and write. In a desperate attempt to shift my perspective into the positive I began spewing thankfulness; anything and everything.
"I am so thankful I have a car! I am thankful for kind bars. I am thankful for the skills I have been given. I am thankful that there are people who can fix my car as soon as I call. I am thankful for traffic lights. I am thankful for a job I love. I am thankful that on a monday morning I can go have coffee and write. I am thankful for the sunshine and the breeze in my window, for my ability to laugh and have fun, for the eclectic people of Los Angeles, for the ability to roll down my window with a button, for my roommates..." The list seriously went on for about a minuet and a half straight. I was really reaching at some points. Thankful for the seven eleven I passed? honestly? sure. whatever you gotta do I guess...
Moments after that experience I got completely distracted by some other train of thought; But then the most amazing thing happened. I was parked at a red light and suddenly I just started laughing! The beauty and lightness of my current existence was totally and weightlessly clear! How amazing my life actually is. How much opportunity has been gifted me and how every single thing I was going to be doing today was exactly what I wanted to be doing and totally in line with my dreams! The breathtaking beauty of the last month of my life and all the amazing things I've been party to came flooding over me and my entire day shifted. Suddenly I could believe that today was going to be beautiful. In fact I was convinced.
and so it was.
Sometimes we just have to break through the bullshit with striving to be what we desire to be, and when we make room for it, the thing itself (in my case a attitude of gratitude and positive perspective) comes rushing in.