Inside that goal there seems to be so many paths, and right now I'm having a hard time determining which I want to take - and so I linger here, at the fork in the road, each path beautiful in their own right. Each path blessed. Each path running parallel to the others for they are all headed toward the Creator, and yet I find myself feeling 'lost' some nights.
I often come back to this point in my life of having to remind myself of who God really is. Of his character and his goodness, because I so easily forget in the face of circumstances. What are my actions saying about what I believe to be true? Do I believe that if I take path #1, in hopes of growing closer to him, that he will punish me (or withhold from me) because he wanted path #2 for me? Or do I stand on his the truth of his Goodness and Faithfulness to me? Do I believe that he is a God of one chance? That if I miss the boat I'm stranded forever in icy desolation, forsaken? or do I believe he is a God that returns over and over and over, throwing me opportunity after opportunity because he is invested in me and believes in me? Am I going to allow myself to wallow in confusion and doubt, living out a place of fear? or am I going to stand and allow myself to breathe in life knowing he is guiding my footsteps? If I ask him to shut a door and protect me from paths that lead to death do I believe he will honor my heart cry for communion and familiarity with him, or do I believe he is a God of humiliation and mockery?
It actually scares me sometimes what my actions reveal about my belief in God - but there is grace in abundance and peace in repentance. I choose to live believing Jesus is who he says he is, trusting that as I move forward in my life he will guide me and bring me into all beauty and life according to his purposes for me!
Will I look back, in the holds of eternity, and be upset that I spent 6 months of my time on path #1 seeking his face? when I could have been on path #2 resting in his presence, or vice-verse? I think not. Nor do I think God, at eternity's gates, will be disappointed in me for choosing to waste my life at his feet on path #4 instead of praising his name on path #3. It's no longer about glamor and hype, it's about being near to him. Spending our time wisely, trusting in his goodness, and allowing our actions in life to speak of his character.
It's not about the circumstances anymore, it's about absolute devotion to The Man.
I want to be a part of change. and wonder. I want to be a part of something bigger than myself. Of something beautiful and epic. Of a story that moves people - and I think no matter the path, so long as my eyes stay trained on the prize, those things will flow naturally...because hes that good.