Bear with me as I figure out what I'm trying to say as I write... The better part of today was spent thinking about the reality of the role I've stepped into, and the calling I've answered, in the last couple of weeks. If you would have asked me who I was before I left home my answers would have been loose and unsure. I knew I was a leader. I knew I was called to great things and that my life had little to no purpose outside of that calling, but if you were to ask me specifics my answer would have been well void of any solidity. I knew my identity was in Christ but I didn't know what my identity was. I had dreams and I had idea's but I didn't know them. I wasn't intimate with my desires. I wasn't intimate with my desires, I wasn't intimate with my emotions, I wasn't intimate with myself. I wasn't intimate with my heart, and therefore I wasn't intimate with Christ.
The best word to describe what I've been feeling today is weight.
In the last four days I have come to several conclusions. One is that I am a professional at covering up wounds, even to a point of forgetting about them myself. Another is that to allow healing and to allow Love is not weakness. I have also realized that I long for things I never knew I longed for, but the most important is that I am DONE pretending they don't matter. I am DONE with this false strength. I am DONE.
If I don't allow myself to be healed and loved, what do I have to give? Giving myself will only work for so long (not long at all, really). To give you must receive first, right? To receive love just means that you have more to give away.
That is all really weighty and life shifting, but even more so is the reality of what I am called to. It really hit me today what I am doing. What I am a part of. Who I am. Our generation is so key. So key. I can't stress that enough. We are in the middle of something that history has never seen before. We are something that history has never seen before.
On the 28th of December I will be getting on a plane to Mozambique, Africa. Does the importance of that strike anyone? I admit it. Till today the idea has been pretty romanticized, but please. Please understand what comes with what we're doing there. This is not short-term missions anymore. We are not going for three months to smile and make people feel better. We are going and laying down our lives to see this thing out. The reality is that we might get malaria. We might get sick, we might get stabbed, we might get killed. We might be martyred.
Let that resonate with you for a while.
I think the whole mission field has been romanticized and hyped to make it desirable, but the REALITY is that our generation is called to, and is, walking out something entirely different. It's no longer a weekend mission. It's no longer a step into the darkness to see what it's like and then a retreat to our comfortable, well-lit churches and houses. There is no time to try to see how bright you shine in a room full of fluorescents.
Today someone said, "Either you're a missionary or a mission field". & let me be clear. I'm not saying everyone is called to the Bush, but you ARE called. Pick your sphere, everyone fits somewhere. It's moments unto Movement. It's time for us to move forward, it's not the salvation gospel anymore. It's the Kingdom Gospel.
AND INCASE ANYONE WAS LIKE ME FOR THE LAST 21 YEARS.. IF YOU DON'T READ ANYTHING ELSE, PLEASE READ THIS.
Jesus did not die just to save you from sin. He saved you FOR something. You have a calling a purpose NOW. The point of your life is not to sit around and wait for Jesus' return, or continue to struggle with sin because that's all your focusing on. You have a DUEL citizen ship. On earth & In heaven, so being that you are seated in heaven, and have heavenly perspective you are well equip to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth.
It's time to get over self, and to look at the world. You will never know how bright you shine if you stay in a well-lit area. Sin is such a small issue. Seriously. Stop getting caught up in the stupid trivial stuff. Realize it, Repent from it (dude, repentance is so amazing.. aha..), receive truth and freedom and move on, you have bigger fish to fry - like the gates of hell that have been set up right outside your door. Or in front of your mirror. Or down the street.
I spent a lot of my time asking God focus and prune my passions and whatnot to help make me effective and then it dawned on me (revelation is sooo good..) Instead of focusing on my passions and talents, why not focus on a Gate of hell that has been set up, and use my passions and talents to DESTROY IT. ('...and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it.' matt 16:18). Gates do not attack people. We are not on the defensive here. We are Offense. We have authority, lets walk it out.
Well. That wasn't exactly where I had planned this blog to go.. but.. there you have it. This is real. This is so real. Walk it.
You are not called to rise and reflect.
ISAIAH 60: 1 1 “Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.