I don't have all the answers. In fact, I have very few it feels on most occasions. Especially nights like last night when the weight of doubt came crashing down all around me.
I step back and consider my dreams. Dreams I consider to be big, beautiful and fulfilling. Dreams in which people leave inspired, feeling welcomed, loved, whole and at peace. Where the spirit of adventure and justice are stirred - where the wild is reawakened within ourselves and waves of restoration lap at our souls.
And then I question those dreams. I look at my current reality and they don't compute. Time and time again I find myself brushing up against my dreams and passions with no foothold. My dreams, my real dreams, not my comfortable ones, look me in the face and laugh impossibility - and even though I easily dodge it (because I believe they are truth more than the reality of the sunrise every morning), I'm paradoxical in that I still question whether they are a reality for my future.
This is real life, and I don't have all the answers.
What I do know though is that we need dreamers. We need to shed fear. We need to step out of our comfort and tell fear of failure to take a backseat - and I get it. Our culture is not set up to allow us to chase them. We have to have fallback plans, we have to have success now, are brought up to play it safe..
But I have to tell you. It's okay to walk the path of a seeker. It's okay to spend a year pursuing something you think you want and at the end find out it wasn't. It is NOT a waste of time to explore opportunity or potentiality.
Growing up having lost so much I've realized I've developed a sense of fear in regards to wasting time, or our precious life, and on some days it's a beautiful thing that pushes me forward into appreciation and gratitude and on some days it's crippling. The questions of, "What if it doesn't turn out like I thought, or wanted?" - "What if it turns out to be a waste?" leave me crying on the couch.
And to that I say (even if just to myself) it's all a matter of perspective. It's never a waste. Strive to turn regret aside and glean from all situations and experiences what you can use in the present. What you can use in the future.
Two nights ago I realized that if you don't try you can't fail. and then asked myself, so what am I not doing for fear of failure?
how about you, seeker?