++ breakers of grace

We, as humans, have the ability and opportunity to be every shifting, changing, growing and learning. We are adaptive creatures; ones who experience emotion and circumstance and alter our perspectives one way or another assimilate. As a child I held dear to the idea that I would be "solid" my whole life. I would never be someone who was hypocritical, saying one thing and doing another. I would never be someone who made people feel alienated or unwelcome. I would stay true to what I believed in that moment, whither ideas about God, about the feminine spirit, or the world as a whole. I would never allow myself to become so judgmental as to refuse a friendship or interaction and somewhere along the way I lost grace for myself.

I spent so much time trying to build myself to be this all encompassing human of consistency that I failed to realize that my stubbornness and fear afforded me little room to truly grow. I was so desperate to never become the people who had hurt me in their weakness, and so gripped the wheel of self-control with white knuckles and determination etched into my features.

Today everything has changed. Today I grow rapidly. The walls of desired perfection have begun to crumble and while uncomfortable at first, I welcome the refreshing and powerful waves that crash through my barriers and build me higher.

It is here that I feel most free. Uncontrolled, yes. Often confused, absolutely. I frequently take in my surroundings and realize how far out in the wild I truly am. More times than I care to recall I found myself searching my reflection for who I was because it was there, in my control, that I felt most "me" but I realize now only because it was there I could create "me".

So let it go. Break through the walls of fear and self-containment for the comfort of others and I think you will find yourself lost in the texture of freedom. Speak the questions that make you feel ignorant. Breath deep fear and let it pass through you. Take hold of grace and extend it to others. For it is in these uncharted lands that I've begun to see glimmers of truth; it is only ourselves who can box us up and put us in the corner, caged in by judgement and self-preservation, so let it go.

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Taren MarounComment